Episode 3 My mother's scars

I wrote Common entrance and passed with a very good result. Then for no reason my dad said I was going to a boarding school. I felt like the luckiest girl. I was relieved; so excited that I would be leaving home. No more beatings. Months latter I resumed at my school. I was too timid and scared to make friends. It was as if my mother’s spirit was haunting me. I heard her voice in my head whenever I wanted to speak to anyone. I was terrified by the thoughts of even smiling. But at least there was no beating. No physical pain. I was happy. But my happiness did not last long.

I came home for the first holiday and realized that my mum convinced my dad that it wasn’t proper for the first child to go to a boarding school and besides it was too expensive to afford. So it had been decided that I wasn’t going back. I couldn’t bear the thought of coming back to the beatings and punishments so I ran.

My parents searched for me till midnight. My father searched with loving concern but my mother searched with fuming anger. I spent the night at a motor park not too far from the house. I was so scared. I wanted to return back home but I was too scared to move in the dark. I couldn’t sleep. I patiently waited for day break and when it came I quickly headed back home. I wish I didn’t.

My father had left the house in search of me. I met my mother alone. She took a long look at me and smiled sarcastically. I shivered with fear. She asked me to go to the bathroom and wait for her. I obeyed, knowing that I was about to get the beating of my life. Oh I wish it was beating, it would have been far better. She entered with a bucket of hot boiling water, fetched a boil and poured in on my feets. “next time let me see the lets you will use to run away”. She hissed and walked away. I screamed with all the strength I had. Why does this woman hate me so much?

My Dad came back an hour or more later he was furious when he heard what had happened. He broke raw egg and applied it on my leg and tummy He rushed me to the pharmacy they applied some ointment. I felt better. I didn’t know if it was the love or the ointment that brought relief but I did feel better especially when he decided that I was going back to the boarding house.

Visiting days I look forward to seeing him. My mother never came but I didn’t care. The holidays were still the same but I got accustomed to the pain. I began to learn how to avoid her and life got easier. But it didn’t change the fact that I had been crushed on the inside. I became a very boring and dull person desperate for love. I felt so useless that I found it strange when my collegues gave me gifts or said good things about me. I wondered how other people could love me when the woman that gave me birth didn’t. I was psychologically and emotionally damaged.

I moved from secondary school to the university but life didn’t get any better. Yes away from pain, sorrow and depression yet I lived in fear I could not do much for myself I felt she was looking at me from behind watching my every move. Dad made it his responsibility to call me every day and encourage me and that made me happy. I always looked forward to his calls. 

Life was hard living it. I thought of suicide many times or slitting my wrist but the fear wouldn’t not let me. I had a very low esteem; always looking down when I walk. It was either at home, in class, church or market. I never had the confidence to build a social life.

But may 19^th, the worst happened..

To be continued