Episode 3 My mother's scars

I wrote Common entrance and passed with a very good result. Then for no reason my dad said I was going to a boarding school. I felt like the luckiest girl. I was relieved; so excited that I would be leaving home. No more beatings. Months latter I resumed at my school. I was too timid and scared to make friends. It was as if my mother’s spirit was haunting me. I heard her voice in my head whenever I wanted to speak to anyone. I was terrified by the thoughts of even smiling. But at least there was no beating. No physical pain. I was happy. But my happiness did not last long.

I came home for the first holiday and realized that my mum convinced my dad that it wasn’t proper for the first child to go to a boarding school and besides it was too expensive to afford. So it had been decided that I wasn’t going back. I couldn’t bear the thought of coming back to the beatings and punishments so I ran.

My parents searched for me till midnight. My father searched with loving concern but my mother searched with fuming anger. I spent the night at a motor park not too far from the house. I was so scared. I wanted to return back home but I was too scared to move in the dark. I couldn’t sleep. I patiently waited for day break and when it came I quickly headed back home. I wish I didn’t.

My father had left the house in search of me. I met my mother alone. She took a long look at me and smiled sarcastically. I shivered with fear. She asked me to go to the bathroom and wait for her. I obeyed, knowing that I was about to get the beating of my life. Oh I wish it was beating, it would have been far better. She entered with a bucket of hot boiling water, fetched a boil and poured in on my feets. “next time let me see the lets you will use to run away”. She hissed and walked away. I screamed with all the strength I had. Why does this woman hate me so much?

My Dad came back an hour or more later he was furious when he heard what had happened. He broke raw egg and applied it on my leg and tummy He rushed me to the pharmacy they applied some ointment. I felt better. I didn’t know if it was the love or the ointment that brought relief but I did feel better especially when he decided that I was going back to the boarding house.

Visiting days I look forward to seeing him. My mother never came but I didn’t care. The holidays were still the same but I got accustomed to the pain. I began to learn how to avoid her and life got easier. But it didn’t change the fact that I had been crushed on the inside. I became a very boring and dull person desperate for love. I felt so useless that I found it strange when my collegues gave me gifts or said good things about me. I wondered how other people could love me when the woman that gave me birth didn’t. I was psychologically and emotionally damaged.

I moved from secondary school to the university but life didn’t get any better. Yes away from pain, sorrow and depression yet I lived in fear I could not do much for myself I felt she was looking at me from behind watching my every move. Dad made it his responsibility to call me every day and encourage me and that made me happy. I always looked forward to his calls. 

Life was hard living it. I thought of suicide many times or slitting my wrist but the fear wouldn’t not let me. I had a very low esteem; always looking down when I walk. It was either at home, in class, church or market. I never had the confidence to build a social life.

But may 19^th, the worst happened..

To be continued

Advocacy Visit to Sumaila LGA in Kano Nigeria

Photos from the GIST advocacy visit to Gani in Sumail lga in Kano state Nigeria in preparation for the health talk/ Sanitary pads distribution project next week..

We choose to go by public transport so as not to miss out on any details of the community as well as be able to interact with its members and yes it was worth it.. (I even made 2 new friends in the car..lol)

The people are very welcoming and we look forward to having an exciting time with them next week...

Please keep your gifts coming..
Sumaila girls are waiting!...

God bless us 

Episode 2 My mother's scars

He didn’t expect my next action. I grabbed my tray and struck him on the head with all my strength. He fell backwards screaming and I ran out, leaving my tomatoes spilled all over his room. I continued to run till I reached safety then I realized what I had done. I had just thrown away N700 worth of tomatoes. I was so sure I was going to die that day.

Standing by the road and thinking about my life then I heard - "buy slippers and sandals." “Ah” I sighed in relief. It was our neighbor mama yinka. I ran to her and told her what happened. She tried to encourage me to go home to my mother but I convinced her to come with me and she did.

Immediately my mother saw us approaching, she smiled. She and Mama yinka exchanged plesantaries as she then explained my plight. My mother thanked Mama yinka for saving my life. I was shocked. I wasn’t going to get any beating. But I was totally wrong. Mama Yinka left and my mum asked me to go inside and get changed. With great relief I went into the house jumping happily as I took my clothes off.

I didn’t know my mother was behind me. As I took out my pant, I heard a loud bang on the back of my head. I fell forward but before I could regain myself she had pin me down, ripped my clothes, rubbed fresh pepper in my eyes, body and private part then pushed me outside naked.

I couldn’t see. I was rolling on the floor screaming in pain. I screamed for my father. I was so sure I was going to die but I wanted to see him one last time. A neighbor helped me to  the bathroom and washed me thourghly but the pain didn’t stop. I continued to scream and my mother came and chased the neighbor away, giving me a few more slaps to shut me up. I tried with all my energy to suppress the sobs. With each sob I got an extra slap. The pain was excrutiating.

I couldn't see properly for a day or two. I asked my younger sister about my dad and she said he was out of town. My grief intensified when I heard my mother telling a neighbor that my dad had gone to a neigbouring village in search of greener pasture and would only be around during the weekends. I was devastated. I wanted death so desperately

Days turned into years and the torment continued. My father got so engrossed in trying to make ends meet that he didn’t notice I was dying. I hardly ever saw him but I didn’t blame him either.

Then soon a ray of hope appeared.

To be continued

Episode 1 My mother's scars

There is not much to remember growing up with my 5 siblings. I was the first child, then my younger sister and 3 younger brothers. My dad said he named me Lola because i reminded him of his late mother. He loved me so much like i was her. But my mum.. Hmmmm.. The case was different with my mum.

Things were a bit difficult for us then. My dad was a hardworking construction worker

but he wasn't making enough to cater for us all and my mum just had a small shop in front of the house so I had to hawk after school around the area as a child right from when i was 10. I started going long distances to help with the financial situation at home. My mum was tough and hard on me. She called it home trainning but It was almost as if i disgusted her. She quickly embraced every chance she she got to beat me. My second name to her was "fat useless idiot". Yes I was really fat; as round as a basket ball. lol. And i loved to eat too but i hardly ever got enough food except at night when my dad was home. I had no play time. If I was ever caught playing I got the beating of my life. I would stay and watch other kids playing and wished I was with them. I got slapped repeatedly at the slightest provocation. Getting kicked in the back and knocked on the head was a normal everyday routine. It was so bad that I summoned courage one day to ask my Dad if she was really my Mom. If not I wanted to know who my mom was. He replied with a smile “You’re just a child. She is your mom so obey her”. He had no idea how badly I was being treated since he worked till late at night and I was too afraid to tell him the details because I feared she might kill me.

I went for my usual hawking of tomatoes one faithful evening. I heard someone call me "Mai tomato come". I turned and saw a man wearing a long black robe. He beckoned to me to come. I was scared but I needed to sell these tomatoes or else I would sleep with body pains so I went. The man asked how much and I told him. He smiled mischievously and said “innocent girl, come inside come collect your money joor”. I followed him inside the gate and the next thing I knew, I was in his room. He was looking at me still with that mischievous smile as he started loosening his belt to take his trouser off. I was terrified. I could not shout because all my childish mind could think of was “mama will kill me today”. She said I should never enter someone’s house and here I was standing in a man’s room. Fear and confusion led to tears and as he grabbed my trembling body. “Sir abeg.. Abeg” Those were the only words I could utter as he tried to force me to the bed. That was when I realized that I feared rape more than being beaten.

To be continued..

 

My mother's scars

#diariesofaGISTer
True life stories

My #motherscars will be telling

on the blog from tomorrow.. Let Lola's story inspire you to never let someone's mistake break you.. Not even your mother's...

Share with u friends and follow here..
gistinspires.blogspot.com.ng

As an Influencer part 1

I'm presently reading a Book 📚 titled 'Becoming a Person of Influence' authored by John C. Maxwell and co-authored by Jim Dornan.
I saw some few nuggets that would help us in our GISTMH and I hope this helps and blesses someone 

As a member of GISTMH, as an influencer, your focus should be on GIVING rather than getting.

1. Give that girl LOVE.
The length and breadth of our influence on others are directly related to the depth of our concern for them. Tell her how much you love her, give her a hug, encourage her.

2. Show that girl some RESPECT
By doing this, u are teaching her how to respect other too.

3. Give her a SENSE OF SECURITY
This would make her trust you and share deep things with you. People are reluctant to trust you and reach their potential when they are worried about whether they're safe with you. But when they feel secure, they are in a position to respond positively.

4. Give her a sense of RECOGNITION
Let her know she's appreciated. Every little bit of recognition can go an incredibly long way in a person's life.

5. ENCOURAGE her
Help her achieve her dreams by encouraging her. We achieve a lot more when we encourage each other. Lack of encouragement can hinder a person from living a healthy, productive life.

I hope to share some more nuggets before the end of this week 

By 

Onisofe Promise Fransis

Empower a girl

YES!!

Do you know any young girl in kano that's intrested in hair making and wants to learn more?..

A fast growing natural hair dressing salon is in need of an intern.. you don't have to know the job because you will be trained.. Just have a desire to learn and willingness to work..

I challenge you not to be idle.. learn a skill even if not for yourself but so you can empower someone tomorrow..

Contact me if intrested
#gistempowers #gistmentors #gistinspires #gistrehabilitates #gisteducates

Call for Volunteers

This is for those who wish to be a part of the GIST community project.. If you will like to volunteer and come with us to visit the targeted community please indicate in a comment or drop your contact in a private message so we can add you to the logistics group on whatsapp. .

PS: Please volunteers should indicate before friday so we are sure of the number of people coming with us... Thank you 😊

Meanwhile 100 pads have been donated so far... We're still in need of a lot more.. Nothing is too small.. GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU SUPPORT A GOOD CAUSE!.. #gistrehabilitates #gisteducates#empowerher #gistmentors #gistinspires#gistempowers #sanitarypads #giveback #ngo#communityprojects #donations #volunteers#endpoverty

Support this cause

Starting with the distribution of sanitary pads this January we will make it easier for girls to stay in school and mothers to encourage their daughters to get an education by providing the basic relief they need both physically and mentally..

Be a part of something bigger than you this year..
Support a good cause...
Partner with GIST and lets change this world 1 girl @ a time 🙋

Send me an email Jennyagunloye@gmail.com

Can I kill a negative vibe?

Don't you EVER let another person's success intimidate you out of the game..

Someone needs this now.. your life looks stagnant at the moment as if nothing is working for you and nothing will ever work.. you look left and your mates are getting married.. you look right and the others are climbing the ladder fast..

Well let me remind you of a popular saying from the good book "the race is not to the swift nor the battle to the strong but time and chance happens to everyone...

Sweetheart let me tell you something that is as sure as the rising of the sun.. YOUR SUCCESS WILL HAPPEN!.. The difference is time.

Learn to master the time factor and tell those short stupid idiotic hopeless and nonsentical demons in your head that MY TIME WILL COME! And I will dance, celebrate and rejoice with others while I wait...

And when your time does come make sure you encourage another woman that is waiting...

I hope I shut up a devil in somebody's head tonight..

Pass the value down

Okay let me explain something here about GISTMH maybe it will help us take this more seriously..

How many of us have ever seen a 12 year old girl do something and you're like "😲😲😲😲😲 when I was 12 I didn't even know what that was"..

Can anyone relate?.🙋.. 

Values are eroded out of our systems daily.. very soon we will have a generation that doesn't know what it means to be courteous or kind, people that dont know what it means to wait till marraige for sex or preserve her virtues..

We will have a generation of girls that will see having multiple Sexual partners as the norm or sleeping around to get money as a way of life and so many other vices.. and guess what?.. That is the generation our children will live in..

We must pass godly values down to the next generation or else we'll loose them...

Please Note!

#GISTMH

I just realized I haven't been balanced with the Mentoring program..

1. Not everyone has developed the capacity to be a mentor yet.. Some people here are still at a stage where they need to be mentored..

So this is for such people..
We are all at different stages in life.. some of us are at a stage where we need that guidance and help more than we can give others...

(I know everyone needs help but the ratio differs)

So please if you're at a stage where your nees for help is higher than your capacity to help then send a message to my inbox and we'll help you in everyway we can..

2. If you're here and you don't have a mentee either because of your kind of job or personality.. send a message to ny inbox and I'll pair you up with someone..

Please visit the blog as often as possible cos that's where most of our informations will be passed...

Did the tips for mentoring on the blog help anyone?

My mother's scars

You may not believe it now but what we are doing here is having tremendous impact on a lot of girls out there...

People's pain are locked up searching for a platform to express themselves..

This is another true life story that was inspired by the GISTMH program..

It's a story about one of our members here who shall be known as "Lola"..

In her own words "I'm happy I was able to share this with you Jenny.. I feel like a weight has lifted from my chest.. I hope my story inspires another person to tell hers"...

My mother's scars will be featured on the blog soon.. so please stay tuned to the blog and encourage "lola" with your comments.. (cos she's reading😊)

And if you are inspired to share your story please send a message to my inbox.. I can assure you based on my integrity that you will forever remain anonymous if you so desire..

Stay tuned here 👉👉

Thank you for the visits!

In just a few Hours of launching we have almost a 100 visits.. I'm encouraged.. Please drop a comment to encourage this work too.. Thank you and looking forward to seeing you again..

Mentoring tips for GISTMH

In the course of the week I'll be sharing tips and activities that will make your mentoring time exciting...

To begin, here is 10 tips for today..

NOTE!!!!

Not every tip will be applicable to you.. So the idea is pick the ones that fit into your relationship and apply them

1. Ask her to escort you to places. For example go to the market with her or salon etc.. so that you both can have a causal time together.

2. Take walks together and talk about your evnvironment.  That will give you an idea on how she views somethings.

3. Go to one of her important events maybe a church program, a school program or even party (BE CAREFUL SHA O! lol).

4. Ask to meet members of her family so that you can gain deeper appreciation for her history and situations.

5. Visit her at her home. Be very sensitive about not embarrassing them, especially if they’re not proud of their situations. Say something positive about their decorations.

6. Introduce her to your family.

Over time, help her figure out how to get the most from you: what you 

know how to do, why you want to mentor her, the boundaries you want to set, 

 and your typical styles of communicating and thinking. Discuss 

how to “read” each other and give each other feedback. Tell her about your past, present and future  and help them find other mentors besides you.

7. Introduce her to at least two people who could be helpful to her.

8. Buy her a memorable gift; whatever you can afford but something valuable especially something that has to do with her goal. For example if she's writing an exam this year, buy her a calculator or a lucky pen.

9. Have some relaxed time together. Play board games or visit a park. Let her invite their friends to hang out with you.

10. Consciously source for materials that will help her get better. Look online; do researches or ask me.

...to be continued!

GIST community project 2017

GISTMH aside...

In the light of the recent increase in price of sanitary pads.. GIST will be having her first community project to distribute sanitary pads and tissue papers to an indentified less priviledged community at the end of this month..

And we're giving everyone here the privilege to be a part of this..

One sanitary pad will make a difference in 1girl in 1 month.. and it costs about 400 naira.. so let your 400 naira make a difference this January..

I'll be posting details soon but if you're going to support this cause please indicate so we can start planning logistics and know how many girls we can cater for...
Invite your friends here too to be a part...

Thank you!😘

Introducing GISTMH 2017

I'm am particularly excited about 2017 because this year will mark a season of Change in many lives.. And the first of such impact is here!!!

The 2017 GIST Mentor Her program

Lemme give you the back story to this project before I introduce it..

Towards the end of last year I met a young lady of about 21years.. our meeting was accidental but purposeful.. we got talking (you know me and gist na😂).. I made this girl tell me her life story in 30mins but by the end of our conversation she was in tears... she said she had a secret that she couldn't tell anyone and she was not ready to tell (I didn't force her to)

But that she wants me to know that she has never had the freedom to speak about her past like this because she felt nobody cared...

Those words kept ringing in my head..
"NOBODY CARED"

And at that point God gave me a new direction for GIST..
We must step out of that mindset where ee are concerned with only our family members.. people are hurting out there and need help.. someone to show them how to have a better life..

We will not be part of the Nobodies that dont care..
We will change that Nobody to somebody...
And that somebody is you..

So here is the summary of what GISTMH is about...

Each one of us will pick one girl (either younger or same age as you) from your community/neighborhood/office/school etc.. Pick one girl that you will help to become better this year in anyway you can..

You will take responsibility for her.. love her.. teach her.. pray for her.. encourage her in everyway you can for 1 year...

I'm going to be sharing materials for those who are intrested in being a part of this so we can have a feedback scheme/progress report..

We will be organizing seminars and trannings in kano for now pending when we can move to other states but materials will be circulated online...

More details will be communicated in the coming days but if you're interested already please comment below..

We can change this world one girl at a time.. who else believes that?

ready or not?

Its quater to go on 2016 and soon a new year is upon us..

What will you do with your life in 2017?..
Keep living in safe waters within your comfort zone? Refusing to take the bull by the horn and sitting down waiting for God to do a miracle for you?..

Okay sister if this is still your mindset then let me disappoint you before 2017 even starts..

NOTHING FOR YOU!..

Seriously the game is getting tougher.. Life is getting tougher.. you cannot afford to be sitting down at a time like this.. There are grounds to conquer and only the brave get to chant the victory song..

So please don't do nothing and expect the new year to be different for you..
Grab that bull by the horn and be like esther in the bible..
"If I perish I perish" be determined to make you dreams goals and visions a reality by fire by force even when it seems like it will kill you... Stay with it..
Tell yourself through blood and tears my life must be different this year..

My prayer for everyone in 2017 is thus
"May God give you a dream that you can die for because only then do you get to truly live fulfiled..

So again I say it..
When you're ready to die (for that vision).. Let me know..

Broken but not destroyed

Broken but not destroyed..

This picture right here speaks a thousand words to me..

Many of us have been broken by life's challenges...

Things have happened to us that has sort to destroy us..
A lot of us are trying so hard to fit the pieces back together so we can feel good about ourselves again...

But today please understand that you can let the light shine out of your pain...

You don't have to be perfectly put together to be useful...

Allow God shine His light through those cracks on your heart and let someone else find the way in this dark world..

Allow you light shine!..
Let your pain inspire...
You are broken but not destroyed

This is not my real face Oh!

So I remembered this joke by the popular child comedian, emmanuela.

"This is not my real face oh!".

I think we need to say this to ourselves..
That weakness you are battling with is not your real face..
Sleeping around.. clubbing.. lying.. stealing is not your real face..
Gossiping.. backbitting.. hating and insulting is not your real face..
Laziness,.. failure.. idleness and depression is not your real face..

Your real face is a
Strong..
Hardworking.
Loving..
Pure..
 Godly..
Intelligent..
Wise..
Uncompromising..
Honest..
Disciplined woman..

If you can recognize this then you have taken the first step in the direction of change..

You can overcome that weakness if you don't give up..

Keep the picture of your real face in your mind everyday and night and one day you will become that woman you dream of becoming. .

So remember anytime your weakness rises up, don't sink into regret.. Instead rise up and tell yourself..

This is not my real face oh!!!!

#mondaymotivation
#diariesofaGISTer

Episode 7 Hanatu's story

Tope was Mrs Nafang's niece. She was a student of the university of Jos and came during the weekends to visit her aunt. She was fat and very beautiful. Kind and sweet. But beyond that she changed my life.

Even though I was rude to her and unwelcoming, she never stopped smiling at me and trying to be my friend. She would tell me that I was beautiful and attractive and she just loves me. I hated her even more because i felt God was partial to allow some people have it all rosy and let the rest of us suffer. But Tope was not moved. She said she knew the rude attitude wasn't the real me, that something was fueling it and that she could help me but I didnt care. I bluntly told her I didn't want her help and then stood up and walked away.

But she never stopped being nice to me. She always made effort to ask about my well being and always left me with either a kind word and a gift which left me confused many times. I have never seen someone intrested in another person's life like this. What does she stand to gain?

One saturday morning, we were washing beans together to make moi-moi and she softly touched my hand, looked at me and said

"You seem to be carrying so much burden and you dont think you should share with anyone but everything will be fine.. Just make sure you fight till you win" I quickly retracted my hand and starred at her strangly but I couldn't fight the tears.

"Fight". I remembered my dad, the rape, the pregnancy, the twins, my mother's illness. Everything flashed through my mind in a split second and I got up and walked away.

Tope came to meet me and there I told her everything that had happened. I told her how hopeless my life was and how I wished death on many occasions. But all she did was smile. She told me it was people with tough experiences like me that God normally uses to change the world. She told me my life was being crafted out by God even through the bad experiences but I was the one who would determine if my story will end beautifully.

She said "there can be no victory without a fight"

I asked her who I was supposed to fight and she gave me the answers my heart had been searching for all these years.

She said it wasn't a "who" that I was fighting, that it was a "what".

She told me I had to fight the fear, hatred, depression, bitterness, hopelessness. She said I had to to fight to forgive the men that raped me and my sisters, fight against failure and every other emotions that has held me down over the years and rise up and win the battle of life against all odds.

Her words seemed to go straight to my spirit just like when my dad said his last words to me.
Tope came to the house more often because of me. She took time to paint a new picture of life for me. She spent so much time with me that I didn't even realise when I began to change. I was softer and more gentle, just like her.

My new attitude made my madam to love me even much more that she put me in school. I began to put on weight and my skin was smoother. For the first time in my life, I had hope. I loved me.

Two years later I went back to see my family and they couldn't believe it was me. Chubby, fresh and full of joy. I brought clothes and shoes for all of them including my babies. I couldn't believe I ever hated these cute innocent girls. I was so blessed to have them. I told my sisters all that had happened to me. I told them I would teach them how to fight. Of course they were confused. Lol. But with time I'm sure they would understand.

I told my mum there was hope. So much hope and that life was going to get better soon. She cried but not tears of sorrow this time, tears of joy.

I'm now back to the city with so many dreams. A passion in my heart to teach women, young and old, how to fight and win internal battles. To fight every negative emotion that is limiting their lives till they win. That's what I want to be in future. That's what I want to be everyday. "

"A fighter"

I hope my story inspires and challenges you to become that too.

Lets be strong women, become a fighter and everyday, teach another girl how to fight.

Lets change this world together, one girl at a time.

My name is Hannatu..

The end.

Episode 6 Hannatu's story

My brother had gotten a marketing job with a small firm in the Jos town. During one of his marketing trips, he over heard an elderly woman whom he later discovered was a Doctor in the Jos university teaching hospital (JUTH), she needed a teenage girl to help her with the house work and he immediately indicated interest, informing her that he had sisters who would do well in it and she accepted.

We arrived Jos mid-afternoon that friday. The weather was slightly hotter than what we were used to in the village but it was still cold. Everywhere was so busy and beautiful. I had never seen so many cars moving at once with such speed. I feared for them asking my brother if they weren't going to run into each other and he laughed and called me a village girl. Well I couldn't argue with that. Here was a 16 year old who had never been to a city before. I guess I was truly a village girl.

We got to the house in less than an hour. I was in awe of everything I saw. From the gate to the parlor I had never seen anything so spectacular. It was like paradise. I couldn't believe people lived like this. We sat down as we waited for her to come out. When she came, she offered us food and drinks. I can't remember how exactly it happended but in less than 10minutes I had cleared the whole plate and finished the drink to the last drop. My eyes caught my brother's and it was a look of "why are you embarassing me" but I didn't care. I was hungry.

Nuhu introduced me to Mrs Nanfang and after a few interrogation, she accepted me, saying she would observe me for 4 weeks, after which if she was satisfied, we would move on to other things.

Nuhu left and I was shown to my room, a relatively small bed space with a dressing mirror table and a lamp with a table and chair. I placed my "ghana must go" of clothes beside the bed and sat down in the silence. The place was far more comfortable than my home but I missed my family. I missed my mother and my sisters. Ironically I missed the twins too. I wept silently as a fresh grief over took me. I couldn't believe I actually wanted to go back home despite the horrible memories it has. I just wanted to be with my family. But thank God that wish did not come true.

Mrs. Nafang was a good woman. She was so good to me and very impressed with my work but one problem; My attitude. I had developed a very rude and irritating attitude over the years due to everything I had been through and I did not realize it until Tope came.

I call her "angel Tope"
The angel that changed my life..

...
Continues tomorrow.

Episode 5 Hannatu's story

As I watched my tummy grow with every single day that passed, I hated myself. I was disgusted with how I looked and what I carried.. All I could think of was that this baby looked like the first man, the beast whose face has remained ever fresh in my memory.

My mother said an abortion was not an option, but Oh to me it was, if only I knew what to take to abort this child I would take it. Even if it would cost me my very life, I was ready. I prefered death to living with the constant reminder of the worst day of my life. Sometimes I stood in front of the mirror and punched myself so hard in my tummy till I passed out and whenever I woke up to see that I was still alive and pregnant, I would collapse in tears.

My mother stood strong by me and 6 months later, after a long labor, I gave birth to a set of twins.

"Two?!" I screamed. "A double reminder of my pain? No this wasn't happening" Now I was convinced God hated me. My anger deepened and intensified.

I must admit that the girls where so beautiful. My mother named them Nasara and Alheri (meaning victory and favor). They where healthy beautiful babies. I was tempted on many occasions to fall in love with them but I fought it. I refused to love the seed of a beast. I promised myself I would kill them when I had the chance but my mother never gave me that chance. They grew up well loved and nutured by their grand mother. She never let any thing deter her from seeing joy in every situation.. Even when she began to suffer from a strange illness that left her immobile on somedays and later took her sight 4 years later..

Now situation moved from bad to worse. I'm now 16years old with a sick mother, two children fathered by my worst enemy, no education, no hope for the future..

One night, laid awake in d middle of our compound, thinking about the events that had taken place in the past and how it had interpreted into what and who I was today. The feeling of pain and fear had taken over me. I had become more agressive and violent over the years. I hated myself. I hated my life. But something keep resounding in my mind "fight".
"How? Fight who?" I thought aloud to myself but as usual there was no answer.

3weeks later Nuhu came home to visit. He hasn't been home since after my father's burial. He looked very lean and scruffy but happy, though the happines disappeared when he saw the condition of things at home but anyway we were so glad to have a full house again.

He told us stories about how he managed to survive through school. The hurdles and the temptations. For a 30 year he was really strong. We told him all.the events that had taken place over the years and how our home town had become a nightmare. He sighed a million times wishing he had stayed back to protect us. Alheri and Nasaŕa loved him as much as he loved them. It felt like finally we could have a father figure around, even though he was only around for a month.

Nuhu came for more than a visit. He also had an intention that would change my life for the better. He had come to take one of his sisters back with him to the city. And that sister was me.

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Continues tomorrow.

Episode 4 Hannatu's story

Funny enough, that day I did not go to the farm as I was just recoverying from a mild fever. I decided to take a walk enjoying the cool breeze of the evening.

I hadn't walked to far into the path that leads to the market when I heard a voice behind me asking me to stop. Without looking back to see who was speaking I made a run but 2 other bursted out from no where and grabbed me. I screamed and kicked as much as my strenght could carry me. I was determined not to allow them have their way with me but I didn't stand a chance. They dragged me into the bush and pounced on me, slapping and hitting me till I became too weak to evn move.

Tearing my clothes off completely, they began. Words cannot describe the pain I felt as the first man forced his manhood into me. I thought I had no more strength to scream but that pain brought shouts so loud, I was so sure I was going to die. He licked my face as he pounded and all I could see was a demon, a beast. So much hatred and anger welled up in me as I began to feel faint. By the time the thrid man was on top of me, I was too dizzy to even pick his face. I passed out.

I woke up at home with my mother beside me, mopping my face with a rag as she sang a sorrowful song in tears. Every where was dark, All my body was sour and pain began to spring up from different parts of my body. At that point the scenario flashed through my head. It hurt so deep, I didn't know when I screamed. My startled mother turned to me asking what was wrong. Unable to speak, I broke down in tears. I got up and dragged myself to the bathroom to take a bath, hoping desperately that the soap would wash away all the shame and pain I felt but it didn't help. I felt so dirty. I thought the worst had happended but I had no idea how totally wrong I was..

Three months later, I was pregnant..

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Continues tomorrow.

Episode 3 Hannatu's story

One sunny friday afternoon, my sisters and I strolled around the farm singing while they worked. Before long, we began to hear footsteps around.. At first we thought it was other people working too but as it drew closer, it became scary.

My sisters dropped their tools and stood at alert, placing me safely behind their back. Few seconds later, 7guys bursted out of the trees on one side of the farm and before long we were surrounded..

Hussaina, my oldest sister begged them to take whatever they wanted but not to hurt us. But they were not about to listen to her. "We don't want anything from you" they replied in hausa. "Just lie down and open your legs and everything will go peacefully without anyone getting hurt"..

"No.. No please don't defile us here like this I beg of you" hussaina continued. "We will give u all our work's wages but please don't do this to us. We are children". They didn't even wait for her to finish the statement before one of them landed a heavy slap on her that sent her to the ground.. He pulled her to a steady position and tore her clothes agressively.

She screamed in pain as he forced himself into her, threatening her to shut up or else he'd kill her.
The others also took my two other sisters and did the same to them. They fought and bit but all to no avail. I watched in horror as 7 men took turns to rape my 3sisters till they where satisfied.
After the had finished, one looked me in the eye and said before walking away "you are next". I shivered with fear, confused and helpless. My sisters laid on the floor bleeding and too weak to move. We remained there until the night guard patrol came around hours later and pitifully helped us home.

My mother wasn't back yet from her trading. She normally wouldn't return until past 9 at night most times. My sisters were laid on a mat outside and were given "kunu" and some water to drink. Hussaina regained a little strenght after that and warmed the remaining food for us to eat and then carried us inside to sleep. She sat outside and waited for our mother. I can still hear her crying bitterly as she waited. I couldn't sleep. My mother came back and was told what had happened. She wept along with my sister, blaming the misfortune on God who had taken away our father and now left her defenseless with no man to fight for her and her children..

"Fight", I remembered that word. My father told me before he died.. "fight" but it still did not make any sense. I slept off, dreaming about all that had happened this day and hearing the screams. Fear became my new friend.

The next months that followed where accompanied by painful stories of other young ladies being brutally raped and injured by men from neighboring communities. Everybody lived in fear especially the women and girls. It became more prominent with every passing month. We suffered this horror with no hope of help from anywhere.

Three years later it became a norm. Not a day passed that there wasn't a report of rape. Most women stopped sending their daughters to the farm but for those who has only girls like in my house, It was either the risk of rape or the risk of death by hunger. They had no choice.

Then my turn came..

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Continues tomorrow.

Episode two My name is Hannatu

Most times, people are buried almost immediately after death but my mother insisted that the burial waited till my siblings were around. So my dad was buried 4 days later as against the norm in our culture.
Our house was full..
All my siblings were around..
My 20year old elder brother Nuhu, studying in a polytechnic in kano and who I haven't seen in a long time was home along with Hussaina, Loveth and Kauna; My 3sisters all schooling in the main city of Jos. My dad was always determined to give his children the best education. He believed it was crucial to our success in life and now I totally agree with him.

I was happy to have us all together but not under this circumstance..

Vistors trooped in and out of our house, offering condolenses and words of encouragement.. they brought us food and I was happy. I didn't what that to end. "Why do they wait till something bad happens before people start being good?" I asked myself. Lol.
But I didn't care. Life was good. I was happy. Foolishly happy because I did not understand my dad was gone forever. I did not know that my life was about to take a turn I had never imagined would happen.

The compulsory period of mourning was over and it was time for everyone to return back to their base. That was when my mother called my siblings together, informing us that they would have to quit school after two sessions were over as the money available would only be enough to take them so far. Nuhu quickly objected that there would be no need for that as he was prepared to work and see himself through school so some more money could be left over for my sisters to finish school.

Things got tougher financially for as as the years rolled by. My mother was a hard working and determined woman. After she had put us to bed, she would go outside, sit and sing in tears. That was how she prayed. That was the only way she knew how to talk to God.

Three years later my sisters were back to the village to stay. Hussaina was able to finish but my other sisters couldn't. We began to go to farms to work in other to survive and support our mum in the running of the house. Well, they worked, because I just went along to play and eat fruits which they handed over to me when they picked any..

It was on one of those days that the worst happened...

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Continues tomorrow